Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Remember When Wednesdays

I just reached 30 followers. On Remember When Wednesday no less. I have a hard time believing that there are 30 people in this world who care to read what I write, but thank you. When I started blogging I got giddy over 3, one of which was my husband who doesn't actually read this blog, so I don't think he really counts. However, as more people have found my blog, made comments and invited me into their (online) lives, I've been very blessed. So thanks for following.

I've been having a bit of writers block the last little bit. I thought having something to focus on to write about, like Remember When Wednesday, would force my creative juices to keep flowing but creativity seems to be a little elusive so I hope you'll bear with me as I struggle through this!

This morning Momma Fargo posted a link to Momma's Pixie Dreams. Their 16 month old daughter was just diagnosed with cancer. That shook me up. I hate cancer; I wish there were a stronger word to describe how much I hate it. Resent, abhor, repulse...none really seem to describe how much I really truly feel about cancer.

When I was 15 my best friend died from cancer. I hated it when they said he had it, I hated it when they said it had returned after they thought it went away, and I really hated it the night he was so doped up on medication he could hardly remember me and the following morning when he died. I hated what it did to his family, I hated how it ripped a hole in the world, I hated how life goes on no matter who dies. I hated drinking guava mango juice because it had been his favorite, I hated not knowing what to say to his parents, I hated feeling empty and helpless. I hated when his family took a long vacation after he passed, I hated that I didn't like his other best friend so I couldn't talk to him, I hated going to the zoo because we'd gone there for his birthday once and the whole place reminded me of him. I hated being a teenager and instead of enjoying being 15 I was dealing with real life, I hated that I was so messed up I had to miss school and go to work with my mom.

15 years later the only thing I don't hate is that his sister is one of my dearest friends and his parents are still a part of my life. I love that they all love my husband. I love that his sister's son is just a few months older than my youngest so we spend a lot of time together. I love that we have each other and we can remember together. I love that our husbands are both police officers so we understand each other on a level we never thought we would. I love that we go to the same church so we can pray together and focus on what is most important. I love that she laughs and has joy and that time, Love and the Lord have erased many of her hurts and her own hate. I love that losing her brother has made her a stronger mother and wife, more fierce than she would have been. I love that she is tender toward those who are going through their own loss and that she remains vulnerable to those around her.

All that hate I dealt with ... and now all this love.

On this Remember When Wednesday I want to remember that love and hope are stronger than hate. That God is stronger than cancer. That there will be a time when all pain will be erased; although the journey and the way it ends may not be the way we want, the result can always be Healing and Hope, especially for these little ones.

I will remember to pray for Momma Pixie's little Monkey and for all those who are struggling.

I hope you will too.

Love this family.


  1. I am sorry for your loss. What a great post to honor your friend, tho. And cancer sucks. Maybe we should make t-shirts that say that.

    Thanks for sending out your support for Monkey.

  2. as usual, beautiful..and as usual, I have tears running down my cheeks. I'm either crying because you've touched me or crying because I'm laughing so hard but it's easy for ME to see why 30 people follow you. <3

  3. Hey Momma, let's seriously get those shirts made. I'd be all over that.
    Bree...I love you. You have always been so encouraging to me. Miss seeing you...which reminds me, I need coffee. Perhaps we can make an arrangement? :)

  4. Ironically, I was just thinking about you and your friend the other day. I was really wondering how you are doing and how you have held up over the years after dealing with such "real life" so young. I am so comforted to know that you have dug down and found all the joy that can come from so much sorrow. You are such an inspiration!


  6. I am sorry for your loss. But I'm happy that you have so many blessings in your life as well.

    I feel similarly toward my experience with divorce. It was the single most painful thing I dealt with to date. I had so many agonizing moments when I just didn't feel like I could go on. It took five years to fully recover and now, in hindsight, I appreciate what I learned from it all. Funny how you can look at something awful and be grateful that it happened.

    Out of despair and loneliness, I learned independence and gained strength I never knew possible. I learned that love and relationships are not something given to us but something we earn and achieve. And we must never take for granted those that are around us.

    There are so many cliches. Every cloud has a silver lining...when life gives you lemons...when one door closes... But it's all true. The hard times and losses that we experience in life shape us into better people and help us to recognize and appreciate the goodness that is all around us.

    Thank you for such a thought provoking and emotional post.

  7. I love your writing, your family, and this family too.

  8. I totally agree: Cancer SUCKS!!!! Thank you for sharing, and I too, love that family and yours.


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