Dwelling in Safety

Tomorrow is the memorial service for Deputy Mundell. It is so difficult for me to even fathom that there is going to be another funeral for an officer killed in the line of duty. Six officers in eight weeks; unheard of, at least locally. As sick as it sounds I was able to find two things about his death that comforted me; first, the fact that he was able to kill the man who murdered him. I am thankful there was no week long manhunt as in the previous deaths. Second, it comforted me that he was actually doing something when he died. Although he was taken by surprise he was not ambushed as Officer Brenton and the Lakewood officers had been. He was actually on a call and doing his job, not just filling out paperwork or having a coffee break. I'm sure these facts bring no comfort to his family or co-workers, I wouldn't expect them to. I just know that I always have felt that if something were to happen to Mike at work, it would be while he was doing something. That illusion was shattered as soon as Officer Brenton was murdered, and then my fears confirmed as soon as the Lakewood officers were gunned down. As I was reading in my Bible this morning I came across this verse, Psalm 4:8 "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, Oh Lord, make me dwell in safety." I guess that brings me the most comfort of all. I don't think that's a promise, necessarily, but I love how the author is so confident that the Lord alone protects him. If you know anything about King David, who authored most of the Psalms, you know that most of his life was spent running and hiding from people trying to murder him. Literally hiding in caves and running from place to place and yet he was able to "lie down and sleep in peace" knowing that the Lord would protect him. It got me to thinking about how I can apply this in my own life.
Do I trust the Lord or not. Do I trust His plan? Do I trust His love? Do I trust His power? If something happens to Mike, or one of the kids, or my parents, or my brothers or sisters or their families, do I still trust Him? What if they aren't kept safe, has He let me down? My mind keeps spewing out questions like these, questions I don't know if I can answer, some I pray I'll never have to answer and somewhere in the jumble of thoughts screaming around my mind I hear this Voice say, "Shhhh...". When I quiet myself, and focus, I can hear the Lord telling me, it isn't always about the physical safety. It's about the emotional and spiritual safety too. That is a safety I understand, and a safety I need. With everything that has happened during the last two months, my mind and emotions seem to be a dangerous place. I am angry, doubtful and cynical to name a few. Letting go of those and letting the Lord keep my heart and mind safe, even from myself, I need that. It makes me so hopeful that I can quit spending so much time obsessing over my husband's physical safety (which I will of course still pray for) but start to focus on the more important things that God is protecting and keeping safe all the time. I know that's a little wishy-washy but God is meeting me where I'm at!
Tomorrow as the procession begins my prayers will be with the Mundell family, their friends and family, and all law enforcement as we are forced to, yet again, go through the process of saying goodbye to and honoring our fallen heroes. I will never get used to loss and when an officer dies I will never be able to think, "that won't ever happen to Mike." Perhaps as I grow in my faith I will be able to do what King David seemed capable of doing and quiet my questions and concerns and and remember to "lie down and sleep in peace" and let the Lord "make me dwell in safety."